My dearest Sunshine. . .
It was a big day in your life yesterday, and Mommy & Daddy’s for that matter. You started your first day of kindergarten.
It was such an exciting day for you. I hope you remember it for the rest of your life. You were so happy and excited. You were not very scared or fearful. As in all you do, you attacked this new adventure with the courage & vivaciousness & enthusiasm that many know you for. Daddy & I were SO PROUD of you! Despite the sleeping in and chaos that surrounded those last few moments in the morning before we took you to school, you were ready.
As we were driving to school, I couldn’t help but keep looking back in the rearview mirror at this big boy I didn’t know. Where did the time go? I was watching you sing to the songs on the radio, talking to yourself and to your brother & sister – telling them not to be sad you were going to school When did you become so big?
As I was looking at you in the mirror on our way to school yesterday, I remember thinking: “Oh no, I didn’t teach him this! I should have taught him about this!” I was feeling afraid of other kids making you feel shame or embarrassed for all the amazing gifts that you have been given. So many things running through my head in that drive yesterday. . .
I still remember that first day we met. Your little face pressed up against the glass as we came to meet you for the first time. All the adventures to follow. . . all the crazy new things that you have been through in your young life. . . Gwissy, you are such an incredible, inspiring human being. I love how you love the unlovable -- how you see beauty where others do not. I love how you are so incredibly sensitive to how others are feeling. I love how many are always encouraged after they spend time with them because you encouraged them deeply. I love that you are not afraid to be your own person. I love how you are a leader. I am so proud of you and so thankful for the privilege and blessing to be your Mom. It overwhelms me with goodness.
When we got to the school you were pulling Daddy. You were so excited! I made you take a picture by the sign so your aunties and Black Grammy could see you and be a part of this milestone. You were so nice in accomodating your Mom! You really were excited to get this party started! We met your new teachers and it seemed all of a sudden you were whisked away with your new classmates and teachers. But you did something that no one else did, that I will remember as long as I live. As you walked into the school, at the top of the stairs, you stopped and turned around and yelled: “Bye, Mommy!” and blew me a kiss. Ngwis, you will never know how much that moment meant to me, my grieving, lamenting Mama’s heart was so happy and so touched that in the most exciting time in your life, you looked back and turned to say good-bye and blow me a kiss.
Obviously, this moment meant a lot to me, but it also made me realize that we did it. Your dad and I did it. You know no matter what you do, we are always in the background watching and cheering for you. We are always proud of you, win or lose. Gwissy, we are always standing in the wings, cheering.
There was an Adele song that came on the iPod on the drive home after I left you at school. And, it was so piercing to me. It is a song written by one of my favourites, Bob Dylan.
Make You Feel My Love
When the rain is blowing in your face, and the whole world is on your case –
I could offer you a warm embrace.
To make you feel my love.
When the evening shadows and the stars appear, and there is no one there to dry your tears –
I could hold you for a million years.
To make you feel my love.
I know you haven’t made your mind up yet,
But I would never do you wrong.
I’ve known it from the moment that we met
No doubt I my mind where you belong.
I’d go hungry, I’d go black and blue.
I’d go crawling down the avenue.
There’s nothing that I wouldn’t do, to make you feel my love.
The storms are raging on the rollin’ sea
And one the highways of regret the winds of change are blowing wild and free.
You ain’t seen nothing like me yet.
I could make you happy, make your dreams come true.
Nothing that I wouldn’t do.
Go to the ends of earth for you.
To make you feel my love.
Ngwis, we love you so much. There isn’t anything we wouldn’t do for you. . . we love you so much. I sure hope that you head out into this big world always knowing that more than anything else about your parents. We have screwed up, will continue to screw up, but there is nothing we wouldn’t do for you. We love you and are excited about your little wings spreading and taking flight. . .
